
در این مدتی که این مثنوی تاخیر شد، شبیه ناظری که ترجیح می دهد به جای ثبت تصویر به تماشا بنشیند، بودم.
در همه این روزها به مدد همزمانی، به جای نوشتن، به نوش کردن مشغول بوم و به قول بهمنی، ((خون هر آن غزل که نگفتم به پای تو …))
همیشه این تفاوت اساسی میان مولوی و حافظ مرا تحت تاثیر قرار داده: (( در یک سوی مفتون دیوانه ای که گویا هیچگاه به کهنسالی قدم نمی گذارد هستم که روی منبر در حالی عجیب و غریب میان مستمعینی نه آنچنان خاص که حتی گاهی او را به ستوه می آورند، چونان آتش فشانی خاموشی ناپذیر در فوران همیشگی است و بدون ترس از هیچ، فقط می زید و می گوید و هیچگاه حتی به عقب نگاهی نمی اندازد! و اگر حسام الدین و دیگران نبودند این گنجینه ی سترگ نیز از به ودیعت نمی ماند. از دیگر سوی مبهوت میناکاری وسواسی که ده ها بلکه صدها بار به اندک فرآورده های خود باز می گردد و باز آنها را تراشی تازه می دهد، بلکه هنر او که به خوبی متفطن آن است، هر چه بهتر بر آفتاب افکنده شود.)) هیچکدام از این دو گونه سبک زندگی این دو نهنگ اقیانوس معنا به معنای مدح خود یا قدح دیگری نیست! این دو انتخاب است!! و باز مانند همیشه حال هریک، شاخص و معیار سنجش برتری هر کدام از این انتخابهاست! حافظ و چیزی شبیه به او فردوسی وقتی آنچنان مورد توجه و قدردانی قرار نمی گیرد بر می آشفد و به نحوی حال بد خود را بروز می دهد ولی مولوی گویا آنچنان مست و لایعقل است که از جهان و مافیها غافل فقط خود را می زید و آنچنان این حیات، ابدی است که نه مرگ آن را به خطر می اندازد، نه حتی پس از سالها فاصلها و نه حتی از پس ترجمه چیزهایی غیرقابل ترجمه مثل بق بقو کردن یک قمری، هنوز این جنون و این حیات مستقل از زبان و مکان و زمان و دین و مذهب و فرهنگ سرایت می کند و در جان آدمیان در می گیرد …))
مثل همیشه گویا انگشتان من بدون اعتنایی به آنچه قرار بود بنگارند به کار خود مشغولند و آنچه ذهن ناآرامم روایت می کند را می نگارند …
باری! این که این یادداشت ها مانند همیشه مورد انتقاد غیرقابل فهم بودن و دچار زبان خصوصی بودن قرار گیرد، نویسنده را در سر بزنگاه قرار می دهد. یک راه، ادامه نوشتن واقعی آنچه ذهن و ضمیر او را درگیر کرده است و بی شک حال او را خوب می کند یا نوشتن ناظر به مخاطب شناسی و سفارشی سازی این نوشته ها. از یک سوی با خود می گوید که اگر همه آنچه ذهن و ضمیر او را در گیر کرده است برای دیگری قابل فهم نباشد چه نیازی به نگارش دارد و از سوی دیگر با خود می اندیشد که اگر زنجیر مخاطب شناسی به پای نوشتن او بند شود بی تردید او را غرق خواهد نمود و در این اختناق غیرقابل رهایی با خود می اندیشد که کاش آنچنان آزاد و یله بودم که به سان باباطاهر، پیرمرد روستایی زودباوری، دست انداختن به اصطلاح رندی را صادقانه و مخلصانه باور می کردم و در شب سردی، پس از شکستن یخ حوضی به آب می زدم و از این نوشته های مغلق و تصنعی رها می شدم و از من سعدی سر بر می آورد! کسی که حکمت مولوی و فردوسی و حافظ را به کمال دارد و در نوشتن آنچنان می نویسد که تلخ ترین دارو رو حتی اگر این مخاطب ملک باشد، با زمانه شناسی و شجاعتی مثال زدنی نه آنگونه که بزرگی حادثه ای مثل حمله مغول مغفول نظر او بماند، مانند آب خوردن به خورد جان مخاطب می دهد…
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