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وقتی فرزنددار شدن تقدیر می شود گویی هسمفر با نوزاد، همه این سفر حیرت انگیز را دوباره، اما این بار آگاهانه طی می کنی! سفری که اگرچه در حساب و کتاب دنیای بیرون رحمی نه ماه بیشتر طول نمی کشد اما در دنیای رحمی برای کروموزومی ناچیز که در این سیرورت به انسانی صاحب حیات مبدل می شود اتفاقاتی بسی بزرگتر و شگفت انگیزتر از هرانچه از تولد تا تولد بعدی او رخ می دهد رقم خواهد خورد! تا پیش از این با بزرگتر شدن او و لمس ملموس تر دنیای او چشمانت را می بندی و لحظه ای خود را در أن دنیای تنگ و تاریک تصور می کنی گویا قلبت می ایستد! وقتی با هزار تقلا و به هر شکلی که می شود خود را از أن تصور بیرون می کشی و نفست سرجایش می أید با خودت می گویی اگر نسبت دنیا به دنیای واپسین حتی به همین اندازه رحم به این دنیا باشد چقدر برای تولد مشتاقم!!
وقتی که کمی مجال تامل میابی! میابی که همه این ماهها یک سو و این دقایق انتظار واپسین سوی دگر! گویی همزمانیها و کائنات ایستاده اند و در این گیر و دار قانون نسبیت را به تصویر می کشند هر ساعت روز و سال برای هرکس و در هرجا به قسمتهای مساوی تقسیم نمی شود! هر چه سه نفره به لحظه موعود نزدیک تَر می شویم، نفسم مثل سعیده که این روزها از نفس تنگی به سختی افتاده بود، راه خروج را گم کرده در سینه حبس می شود! ضربان قلبم نامرتب می شود! قلبم چونان آیین که این چند روزه از تنگی رحم به ستوه أمده بود برای بیرون جهیدن از سینه ام تقلا می کند! در حالتی مبهم مدام از نقشی به نقشی دیگر منتقل می شوم! لحظه ای سعیده میشوم! لحظه ای آیین می شوم! لحظه ای نعیم پدر می شوم! لحظه ای به نعیم تازه متولدشده مبدل می شوم! لحظه به مادر نعیم و دیگر لحظه پدرنعیم! دمی بعد به مادرسعیده و دمی بعدتر به پدر سعیده!
صدایم می کنند! انگار راه رفتن را فراموش کرده ام! پاهایم از اختیار خارج می شود، دستهایم برای تعویض لباس کمکم نمی کند! این حس را هیچگاه تجربه نکردم! مثل بازیگری خنگ نمی توانم از دستورات کارگردان پیروی کنم! حتی برای گفتن جمله ای چند کلمه ای که ماهها برای گفتن ان بعد از شهادتین در گوش آیین تمرین کرده ام، ناتوان می شوم! باورم نمی شود! این که رهاشده و سرخوشانه مشغول دست و پا زدن در دنیایی غیرقابل مقایسه با صفر تا ٢٧٣ روز پیش ثمره ای از وجود سعیده و من است!
سعیده عزیزتر از جانم!
برای لذتی که نبود مگر به واسطه تحمل و پذیرش و گذشت جانانه تو، با تمام وجود از تو ممنونم!
من هم معتقدم این لحظه های وساطت تو در افریدگاری باری و لحظه های مستجاب الدعوه ای توست. کاش در کنار دهها نفری که مثل همیشه با قلب مهربانت، قبل از رفتنت به أطاق عمل لیست دعاهای انها را دوره می کردی، به مصداق ((الجار ثم الدار)) دعا کنی، آیین مان همیشه برای ما تازه بماند!!
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