
بعید است شمار کسانی که مرد و زن را بسیار شبیه به هم می دانند زیاد باشد! این تفکیک های جنسیتی بسیار مصطلحند! مردان مریخی و زنان ونوسی از عداد معروفترین این قبیل گروه بندی و همچنین از مثبِت ترین مصادیق اثبات این تئوری است که این تفکیک را تا جایی پیش می برد که این اجناس را به دو سیاره متفاوت متعلق می داند.
شاید انقلابی ترین و به زعم من روشن کننده ترین تئوریها در تعریف زنانگی و مردانگی را یونگ مطرح کرد که به برداشت من این دو جنس را یک گونه تعریف نمود که به دلیل توانایی ها، مقتضای محیط و ساختار فیزیکی و هزار و یک دلیل بعضی از ویژگیهای موجود در این یک گونه در بعضی اجناس بروز و ظهور بیشتری یافت و سایر ویژگیها در درون انسان به صورت مستتر و زیست نشده یا کمتر زیست شده پنهان ماند که او آن را زنانگی درون مردان و مردانگی درون زنان تبین نمود! در این تعریف او انسان را فارغ از جنسیت حاوی یک سری از ویژگیها می داند که با مدد افسانه های یونانی و خصوصا استفاده از خدایان المپ این ویژگیها را به صورت کاملا داستانی و قابل فهم و به خاطرسپاری ساده تر، تفسیر و تبین می کند. این ویژگیها به دلیل اینکه از ابتدای خلقت همراه بشر بوده اند و به تعبیری همیشه ثابت انگاشته می شوند کهن الگو (Arctype) خوانده می شود که حکایت از ثبات آن دارد. البته همانطور که توضیح آن رفت، قابل قبول است که بسیاری از این ویژگیهای پانزده گانه در این دو جنس نمود و ظهور بیرونی مشهود تری دارد کما اینکه ناخودآگاه جمعی آن را ویژگی متعلق به آن جنس می داند و خیلی وقتها حتی آن جنس را با آن ویژگی می شناسیم و تعریف می کند و برای جنس دیگر قبیح و انحراف تلقی می کند.
با کمی غور در این ادبیات روانکاوی، به زعم من یکی از راهگشاترین روشها برای یافتن مشکلات شخصیتی و خصوصا مشکلات ارتباطی، نگاه به تعریف ما از جنس خود و جنس مخالف است. بد نیست اگر فرصت دارید چند دقیقه ای روی این دقیقه، دقت کنید! وقتی از شما می پرسند جنس خود (مرد / زن) و جنس مخالفتان (زن / مرد) را در چند صفت یا کلمه تشریح کنید معمولا چه کلماتی را به کار می گیرید؟ طبیعی است در این قیود و صفات حتما چیزهای منفی (به قضاوت عرف، اخلاق، شرع یا …) نیز پیدا گردد! اما باید ببینید بار هر کدام از این اجناس در شما چقدر است؟ آیا در شما تعادل دارند یا تعریف شما بیشتر به طرفی سوگیری دارد؟ جنس مخالفتان یا جنس خودتان؟ – با احترام به اینکه قضاوت کردن در خصوص دیگران کار اخلاقی ای نیست اما با همین سنگ می توانید خیلی از بزرگان را نیز محک بزنید! –
هر کدام از این جنسیت ها که در تعریف آن بار منفی بیشتری دارید به این معنی است که آن زنانگی یا مردانگی درون شما جایی با مشکل مواجه است. این مشکل نه به سادگی اما با کمی مهارت می تواند تحلیل گردد. این گره به جایی در مهمترین آنیما و آنیموس های زندگی شما مثل مادر، پدر، خواهر (چیزی که همیشه آرزوی داشتن را داشتم!)، برادر، معلم یا استاد، قهرمان و اسطوره واقعی و حتی خیالی (مثل یک نقش در یک فیلم) و … برگردد. این عبور از نشان (مادر، پدر و …) و رسیدن به نماد (آنیما، آنیموس و …) به ما کمک می کند که بدانیم آنچه باعث می شود ما در ارتباطاتمان، تحلیلهایمان، ترسهایمان، روان رنجوریهایمان یا هر چیزی که حالمان را بد می کند دچار سو تفاهم شویم اشتباه گرفتن این نشان و نمادها با یکدیگر است. باید از پس این موجودات انضمامی و پوست و گوشت و استخوان دار به آنچه در پس این نشان ها نماد آن است رسید. در آنجا که ما شادی و خوشبختی (برخی از وجوه آنیما و زنانگی) را به یک نشان مانند معشوقه گره می زنیم گاهی تا آزار و اذیت او و حتی قتل او پیش می رویم، جایی که ما برنامه ریزی، کسب موفقیت (برخی از وجوه آنیموس) را به یک نشان مانند معشوق گره می زنیم همان راه را به گونه ای زنانه تر می پیماییم! به زعم نعیم اینجا و اکنون، عبور از نشان به نماد تنها راه نجات از این ابهامات و سردرگمی هاست! این عبور به ما این فرصت را خواهد داد که به زخهایمان دست پیدا کنیم اما به تعبیر سهیل رضایی ما نه می توانیم بابت این زخمها از کسی طلبکار باشیم و نه می توانیم کسانی را به خاطر این زخمها که خورده ایم ملامت کنیم.
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