
به بهانه مواجه با ترس همیشگیم از انجام کارهای فنی که در اثاثکشی پنجم بر آن تا حدی فائق آمدم.
در این هفت، هشت ماه گذشته سرعتِ تغییر، اصلاح و بهبود تئوریهایم بسیار زیاد شده است. (۱)
تا چندی قبل ضرب المثل ((هر کسی را بهر کاری ساختند!)) خیلی متفاوت با چیزی که امروز میفهمم، درک می کردم،
زعم آن روزهای من این بود که وقتی در کاری خوب نیستی آن را به دیگری تفویض کن و به جای هزینه زمانی و ریالی بیشتر در کاری که در آن تخصص داری تمرکز کن و این هزینه را جبران کن! تا اینجای این تئوری هنوز به قوت خود باقی است اما آنچه امروز تغییر کرده است این است که نباید ساده از کنار کارهایی که در آنها خوب نیستم، بگذرم! کمی کاویدن آن چیزهایی که همیشه از انجام آنها به سادگی عبور میکردم مرا متفطن این حقیقت نموده است که ریشه عمیق آن بیشتر فرار بوده. نه به دلیل خوب نبودن! بلکه به دلیل دوست نداشتن!! (۲)
یکی از همین چیزها که من همیشه از آن فرار میکردم، کار فنی بود! من همیشه با جمله من در کار فنی خوب نیستم! در زبان و در درون، با تکرار تئوری مذکور و دوره ده ها چیز دیگری که حداقل در داوری خود، در آنها خوب بودم، خود را راضی نگاه می داشتم! گمان می کردم کمال در یکی دو تخصص برایم کافی است و لازم نیست مزه سایر غذاهای موجود را بچشم! (۳) اما استعاره بدنسازی که سالهای قبل از پخش پیشرو! دو سه سالی به آن اشتغال داشتم چند حقیقت اساسی را برای من روشن کرده بود که بسیار به کار این روزهای من می آید:
۱- ذاتا و به حکم استعداد خدا دادی/ندادی بعضی عضلات ما از بعضی دیگر قوی تر و مستعدترند و از قضا در زمان تمرینِ آماتور ناخودآگاه آنها سهم بهتری از تمرین می برند و بیشتر تقویت می شوند! این اختلاف حتی در دو عضله متقارن چپ و راست یا دو عضله متفاوت کوچک و بزرگ به سادگی قابل رویتند! مربیان حرفه ای با التفات به این حقیقت برای نزدیک سازی این اعضای با استعدادهای متفاوت برنامه دارند.
۲- بهترین محصول پرورش اندام، در بزرگی عضلات در مقایسه با کلیه رقیبان نیست! کسی در این رشته موفق است که تناسب مناسبی میان کلیه عضلات و همچنین کل بدن به عنوان یک نظام داشته باشد اگرچه ممکن است در تجزیه این نظام هیچکدام از عضلات او در مقایسه با عضله انفرادی سایر رقبا در ترین ها قرار نگیرد! (اسمش را بگذاریم تناسب یا تعادل!)
۳- داشتن یک چشم انداز و آرمان، نگاه را به تمرین های طاقت فرسای بدنسازی تغییر می دهد و واژه ((رنج مقدس)) (۴) با این مقصد جایگزین ((عذاب)) می شود. (۵)
تا پیش از این دستهای کثیف و روغنی تکنیسین ها را فروتر از دستانی می دانستم که سنگینترین چیزی که برداشته اند احتمالا خودنویس مونبلان چند میلیون تومانی است! صد البته الان در مقام جایگزین این ارزش داوری با آنتی تز خود نیستم بلکه می خواهم سنتز این تئوری را مطرح کنم!
((هر کسی را بهر کاری ساخته اند اساس حکمت خلقت است که با تمام وجود به آن اعتقاد دارم! اعتقاد دارم که باری نه اصرافی در خلقت کرده است و نه قصوری! یعنی نه کاری بر روی زمین می ماند نه کسی بی کار! (۶) اما آن چیزی که در دوره بعد از کتاب ((جوجه اردک زشت درون)) (۷) بر وجود من رسوب کرده است این است که تا وقتی نتوان همه آنچه قابل تصور است – فارق از ارزش داوری – در وجود خود هضم کنم و به تعبیر بهتر، جایی در نقطه وسط الاکلنگ نیایستم(۸)، تعادل و آرامش رویایی بیش نیست و از طرف دیگر لازم است حداکثر تلاشم را برای مواجهه با بخش های سرکوب شده یا زیست نشده خود، در صورت امکان در واقعیت و در صورت عدم امکان در سطح اسطوره انجام دهم. اینجاست که کم کم نقابهایی که برای پرهیز از خیلی از داوریهای بدون ریشه به صورت زده ام فرو می ریزد و این سفر همان چیزی است که از ظاهر سفر پیامبر (ص) می فهمم، سفری که برای او عبور از حجابهای نورانی بوده است. (۹)
هنر انسان کامل، به زعم نعیم اینجا و اکنون، تحقق وجوه متفاوت انفس (۱۰) است که او را در خط باریک تناقض قرار می دهد، جایی که مثلا او را در اوج نازک دلی و مهربانی با یتیمان در اوج شدت و حدت با متجاوزان تصویر می کند (۱۱) و این روزها معنای ملاقات با انسان کامل، برای من تغییر کرده است! دیدار ناموفق پسر با پادشاه در اسطوره آیرون جان، مرا متفتن این موضوع کرده است که ملاقات با انسان کامل فقط زمانی می تواند رنگ و بوی ملاقات بگیرد که نقابها و حجابها کم و کمتر شده باشد و این ملاقات می تواند سالک را در مابقی راه نرفته پیش بیاندازد و چقدر دلم هوای تو را کرده است، مولود این روزها، سالخورده ترین جوان روزگار … (۱۲)
بیست و پنجم خرداد ماه نود و سه
————————–
پی نوشت:
(۱) که سهم قابل توجهی از این تغییر سرعت، بی شک مرهون آشنایی با دنیای یونگ از طریق شنیدن سلسله گفتارهای سید سهیل رضایی و کتابهای پیروان مکتب اوست که کمال احترام و امتنان خود را تقدیم این دو ((مرد)) و سایرین این روشنگری می کنم.
(۲) ساختار روانی ما اینگونه است که وقتی ویژگی شخصیتی، انجام کاری یا هر چیز دیگر را دوست نداریم آن را در طرف دیگر الاکلنگ بدها می گذاریم و از سوی دیگر روح ما به تعادل احتیاج دارد و این تعادل را از طریق بدخلقی، تندی، پرخاشگری، خشم جبران می کند! چند نفر را می شناسید که وقتی به سروقت آنها می روید از خدماتی که از آنها می گیرد عشق دریافت می کنید؟
(۳) محافظه کاری در امتحان غذاهای جدید نیز یکی دیگر از ترسهای روانی من است که به زودی به آن خواهم پرداخت!! (مژده به خانم همسر!)
(۴) این واژه را از سهیل رضایی در توضیح ((ازدواج)) شنیدم.
(۵) به نیکی به خاطر دارم پیش از آن هر گاه از کنار باشگاههای بدنسازی عبور می کردم، با ارزش داوری که همیشه در دستور کار داشتم این عمل را باطل و بیهوده می دانستم!
(۶) این که هیچکس در جای خود نیست بیش از یک توجیه فلسفی یک موضوع فرهنگی است که در این مقال نمی گنجد و مقایسه کشورهای پیشرفته یا کشورهایی مانند ما که همه واقعا یا عقدتا به دنبال القاب دکتر و مهندس هستند اشکال کار را بیشتر تبین می کند. در نظام احسن خلقت هر کس جایگاهی دارد و به همین دلیل است که در زمان مشخص، در خانواده مشخص در جای مشخص پدید آمده است و اگر در دستیابی به جایگاه لایق و راضی کننده ای که باید می رسیده است – که لزوما راس هرم نیست!- ناموفق است، مشکل از نظام فرهنگی است که ((فردیت)) را سرکوب می کند و به جای آن که هر کس را در جاده انحصاری رشد فردی هرکس که واقعا برای آن خلق شده است قرار دهد، همه را در اتوبان پر ترافیک یک راه واحد قرار می دهد! آدمهایی که با هوشی سرشار از بهترین دانشگاهها فارق التحصیل می شوند اما حالشان خوب نیست!
(۷) نوشته عمیق و تاثیر گذار خانم دبی فورد
(۸) که در کتاب ((سایه ات را مالک شو)) به آن برخوردم.
(۹) و البته بی شک برای اکثر ما متوسطان از جایی از پس حجابهای ظلمانی آغاز خواهد شد.
(۱۰) بخشهایی که ((اسلام)) در صدر ادیان آنها را توضیح داده است و در ارائه کلاسه بنده شده آن در ادبیات یونگ – که به زغم من بارقه ای از حقیقت دارد و از این رو قابل اعتناست – این وجوه کهن الگوها هستند که هر کدام بخش روشن و بخش تاریک دارند و آنچه من می فهمم، این است که: انسانی که در راه مقصود انسان کامل است کسی است که بخش های روشن این وجوه را در حد بضاعت و انشالله به صورت حقیقی و غیرسایه وار در خود توسعه داده باشد حتی اگر این توسعه در حد کمال نباشد.
(۱۱) چیزی که به تعبیر دقیق مرحوم شریعتی می شود: ((علی حقیقتی بر گونه اساطیر))، قهرمان شهامت و گستاخی در میدان جنگ و مظهر پاکی روح در حد اساطیر و تخیل فرضی انسان در طول تاریخ و اسطوره محبت و رقت و لطافت روح… این جملات چیزی بود که در اعوان کودکی در وجودم نشست و این روزها کم کم دارد در وجودم رمزگشایی می شود.
(۱۲) در این شب سیاهم، گم گشت راه مقصود / از گوشه ای برون آی! ای کوکب هدایت …
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