
ین روزها احساس جبری عجیب تمام وجودم و فرا گرفته!
هرچه بیشتر پیش می روم بیشتر به یقین میرسم که بشر از ابتدا تا امروز و احتمالا تا پایان حیاتش بر روی زمین تمام لحظات عمرش را غریزی صرف دو متغیر مستقل کرده، میکند و خواهد نمود:
۱- امنیت طلبی!
۲- تایید طلبی!
باورش سخته! اما عده قلیلی تونستن از این دو بند بسیار قوی نجات پیدا کنند!
شبیه (فیلم) ماتریکس، قهرمان یک لحظه به خودش میاد و به باطن واقعی هستی آگاه می شه و می بینه دستاوردهای فراوانی داره اما نمی دونه چرا اونها رو بدست آورده و چرا براش تلاش کرده!
دیگران ما رو و ما دیگران رو با این دو ابزار به بند می کشند و می کشیم! مهمترین و اولین این دیگران والدین ما هستند! و مهمترین آنها مادرمان!
ما کارها و عقایدی (بخوانید دلیل و کیفیت تایید و امنیت دهی) که مادر و پدرمان و خصوصا مادرمان دارند را حتی اگر با آنها مخالف باشیم مانند یک بیماری به ارث می بریم و به ارث می دهیم! داستان ساده است! از جایی تاریک اما امن! دوران جنینی امن ترین تجربه بشر است! محیط احتمالا آرام! خوراک همیشه آماده! گرم و احتمالا نرم! جنین به هیچ چیز احتیاجی ندارد! اما کم کم بزرگ می شود و مجبور به ترک این محیط می شود! اولین بحران و آشوب! گریه می کند! به محض اینکه از آن مامن جدا می شود حتی حاضر نیست از آن جای تنگ دل بکند! مادر بلافاصله با شیر دادن احساس امنیت را به او بر می گرداند و سینه مادر جایگزین بند ناف او می شود! دو سال همیشه خوراک با یک گریه کوچک قابل دسترس است و آغوشی به گرمی و لطافت آغوش یک فرشته این حس را به او بر می گرداند! هنوز مهمترین خواسته او امنیت است …
بحران بعدی نیز بحران شگرفی است! مادر می خواهد او را از شیر (بخوانید خوراک همیشه در دسترس) بگیرد! معمولا از همین جا اولین فاصله کودک از مادر رخ می دهد! (شاید بیشتر برای پسرها) کم کم می تواند تمام آنچه که این دو سال ضبط کرده است را از نو پخش کند! او به زبان اطرافیان سخن می گوید! او نیاز جدیدی را تجربه می کند! تایید طلبی! او نیاز دارد تنها بازیگران زندگیش او را تایید کند! شاید پدر! به عنوان مهمترین الگوی آنیموسی در دسترس! او شعر می خواند! بنا به ذائقه والدین احتمالا قرآن یا شاید لغات انگلیسی را تقلید می کند! لبخند می زند! شیرین می شود تا تایید آنها را بگیرد! او یاد می گیرد که بسیاری از آنچه والدین او نمی پسندند را فراموش کند! یاد می گیرد بچه خوب فلان کار را نمی کند / می کند! او یاد می گیرد کم کم نقاب بزند! او کم کم بزرگ می شود! (بخوانید شبیه بقیه می شود!) او یاد می گیرد اگر درسش را بخواند مادر او را بیشتر دوست دارد! یاد می گیرد اگر به حرفهای مادر گوش دهد پدر او را بیشتر می پسندد (بخوانید تایید می کند!)
ساده انگاریست اگر گمان کند که بحرانهای او بعد از این بحران تمام شده است! او باید چشم انداز بحرانهای بزرگ و بزرگ تری باشد که قرار است به او در طی سفر قهرمانی و شکل گیری او کمک کنند! در هر مرحله او با غولی به بزرگی تمام امنیتش طرف می شود و …
کم کم به مهد کودک یا مدرسه می رود! اینجا نیز بحران بعدی را تجربه می کند! او مجبور است از خانه امنی که برای او ساخته شده است دیگر مهاجرت کند! کم کم تایید کنندگان زیاد و زیاد تر می شوند! او یاد می گیرد احساساتش را با دقت تر بیان کند! و شاید هم لازم نباشد همیشه احساساتش را بیان کند! او لح لح می زند تا تایید بگیرد! تایید جامعه! تایید خانواده! تایید دوستان و همسالان! یادمان نرود که این اتفاقات همزمان برای سایرین نیز دارد می افتد! همه یاد می گیرند که دگرباشی را کنار گذارده و بیشتر همرنگ جامعه بشوند! موضوع خیلی پیچیده تر از این حرفهاست! آنیما و آنیموس کودک دیروز دیگر شکل گرفته و او حالا قالبهایی برای اندیشیدن، الگوهایی برای رفتار کردن، شکلهایی برای جلب امنیت و تایید یافته است! او به فراخور تجربیات این چندساله دیدگاهی از دنیا و آدمها دنیا بدست آورده است! فارغ از شکل این دیدگاهها، او تمام این روزها را صرف تایید طلبی و امنیت طلبی کرده! اگر آنقدر شجاع یا شاید جسور بوده باشد که در مقابل خواسته های والدین و جامعه خود ایستاده باشد نیز خلا بزرگی را تجربه می کند! او نتوانسته تایید مهمترینهای زندگیش را داشته باشد! او یا افسرده می شود و با همه دستاوردها برای اثبات مثلا مردانگیش به بدترین کارهای ممکن دست می زند و بیشتر و بیشتر طرد می شود! یا به گونه ای که جامعه می پسندیده و احتمالا پسند خودش نبوده درآمده! قاعده عجیبی است در هر سه حالت او شاد نیست! شاید نتواند خیلی باخودش صادق باشد ولی آنچه در شرایط اول و دوم او را می خورد این است که او احساس حقارت و عدم تایید دارد! او در زمان برخورد با مشکلات پتو را به سرش می کشد و مانند جنین پاهایش را در دلش جمع می کند تا شاید به دوران آرامش و بی مسئولیتی بر گردد! او سرشار از خشم است اما شاید نداند چرا! مادرش تمام زندگیش را صرف شادی او کرده است اما او شاد نیست! چون احساس می کند با شاد بودنش به مادرش خیانت کرده! از همین رو خشم اش به صورت فزاینده ای متراکم می شود! وقتی مادر و کودک دیروز هم را می بینند نمی دانند چرا اما از هم خشم دارند! یکی گمان می کند به او که تمام داراییش، زیبایش، عمرش، خوابش و خوراکش را صرف او کرده است خیانت شده!! و گیرنده این چیزهای با ارزش قدر او را ندانسته و او امروز بستانکار همه این ثروتهای از دست رفته است! دیگری نیز احساس می کند عرضه شاد بودن را ندارد! به بهترین مسافرتها نیز می رود اما دلش یاد سختیهای مادرست! کوفتش می شود! خشمگین تر می شود! مدام به خودش می گوید: ((شاد باش لعنتی!)) مدام به مادرش می گوید: ((شاد باش لعنتی!)) او منتظر است که شاد بودن را نیز با تایید مهمترین شخص زندگیش بدست بیاورد! تایید و امنیتی که هیچگاه به صورت غریزی به کسی منتقل نشده است! او بزرگ و بالغ شده است! دیگر باید خانه را ترک کند و یاد بگیرد خودش، خودش را تغذیه کند! باید یاد بگیرد مسئولیت یک زندگی راس راسکی! را بپذیرد!! چهارمین بحران زندگی! بحرانی که شاید هیچگاه از آن نیز رد نشود! او باید کس دیگری را جایگزین مادر کند! (نویسنده یک پسر است و ناگزیر از گرایش جنسیتی در متن است!) او عاشق می شود! و با این عشق امنیت خواهی را بر روی یک آنیمای دیگر می افکند! شاید گمان می کند قرار است با این اتفاق او از یک برزخ به بهشت موعود صعود کند! او زندگی با شخص جدیدی را تجربه می کند! در محیطی جدید! مهمترین چیزی که کوهها آنها را پس زدند امروز به دوش نحیف او گذاشته می شود! اختیار!! او باید یک تنه بار زندگی را به دوش بکشد! او گاهی به خانه (قبلی) فرار می کند اما آنجا دیگر آن مامن قبلی نیست! مانند کارتنهایی که قهرمان داستان از دری وارد می شود ولی وقتی بر می گردد از آن در خبری نیست! او دچار بحران جدی امنیت می شود! شاید دیگر برای بسیاری از کارهایش مهمترین آنیمای این روزهایش تاییدش نکند! از امنیت دیروز نیز خبری نیست! او پس می زند! گاهی همه آنچه که از دست داده است را به معشوقه ای که همه آرامش زندگیش را بهم زده است فرافکنی کند! اما هر چه که هست عشق دیگر آن رنگ و لعاب هالیوودی را برای او ندارد! او کسی را در کنار خود می بیند که دیگر قربان دست و پای بلوریش نمی رود! گاهی بین تایید این و آن (بخوانید مادر و همسر) گیر می افتد! گاهی پتو روی سر می کشد! گاهی شانه خالی می کند! گاهی طرف یکی را می گیرد! او اکنون بین شادی سه نفر گیر افتاده است! خشم سنگینی همه وجودش را در برگرفته است! بار سنگین مسئولیت روی دوشش مزید علت شده است! جلوی آینه که گاهی خود را می بیند! وقتی به انیمای امروز و یا آنیما دیروز می اندیشد! هی با سکوتی سهمگین می گوید! ((شاد باش لعنتی!))
احتمالا سه دهه از زندگیش گذشته و او یا چیزی شده است که تایید ها او را هدایت کرده اند تا امنیت که او در به در به جستجویش می پرداخته را بیابد یا کسی شده که خودش می خواسته و از عدم تایید ها و عدم امنیت ها ناشاد است! او احتمالا دستاورد فراوان دارد اما شاد نیست! او در این روزها احتمالا بحران بعدی را تجربه خواهد نمود! ورود عضوی جدید از خون و وجود او! کافیست داستان را از نو با فاعل مادر بخوانید و پدر را نیز با نقشی کمرنگ تر به عنوان تایید کننده دوم ترسیم کنید! اگر بازیگر جدید داستان (کودک) پسر باشد ممکن است پدر او را شریک و حتی تصاحب کننده مهمترین آنیمای زندگیش شناسایی کند و او را مانند اسطوره ها قورت بدهد! (بخوانید تحقیر کند!!) تا نکند جایگاه پدرسالارانه او را بگیرد و اگر مادر نقش معمول این روزهای پدران (سالاری) را در زندگی به دوش کشیده باشد به شدت او را کنترل و تحدید می کند (و البته نه تهدید)! ابزار آنها چیست؟! تایید و امنیت!
این تسلسل گاهی صدها سال طول می کشد تا کسی مانند نرو در ماتریس، بیداری را تجربه کند و متوجه حقیقت و باطن داستان شود! اما تمام قربانیان این سالهای سال، احتمالا نتوانسته به معنای واقعی و با مدت مناسب شاد بودن را تجربه کنند! همه اینها و بیش از اینها را یونگ، عقده مادر نام گذاری کرده و معتقده که ۹۹.۹% ابنا بشر به این عقده دچارند و از آن ناآگاه! و ندرتا کسانی که آگاه شده اند نیز توان قطع این بندناف از والدین و اطرافیان را دارند!
امروز بهتر درک می کنم برای شاد کردن عزیزانم باید شادی را در جایی در درون خود جستجو کنم! باید شادیم تابع شادی کسی یا چیزی در بیرون نباشد! من امکان کنترل هیچکس و هیچ چیز را ندارم! تا دیگران را شاد کنم! اگر در این شاد کردن اجباری شکست بخورم که می خوردم من نیز شاد نیستم و در این تسلسل باطل ناشادمانی، انباشت خشم از یکدیگر را تجربه می کنیم!
امروز بهتر می دانم که باید فرا بگیرم که شادی من وقتی واقعا شادی است که دلیل و فاعل و مفعول آن در جایی در درون من و در اختیار من باشد! اینجاست که تایید دیگران نقش چندانی در کیفیت شادی من بازی نمی کند! من اگر برای شادی دیگران تلاش می کنم از کسی طلبکار نیستم چون موتور متحرک این شادی و سوخت آن در درون من نهفته است و از استغنای تایید لذت می برم! شادی من به شادی کسی وصل نیست! و عزیزانم از شادی من که مسری است و سینه به سینه منتقل می شود احتمالا معنای شادی واقعی را حداقل خواهند دید و به فراخور توان و اراده خود شاید بتواند این فرایند رهایی از غم را تجربه کنند!
شاد باش لعنتی!
بی نیاز از تایید و عدم تایید دیگران!
بی نیاز از امنیت و عدم امنیت!
شاد بودن یعنی چیزی باشی که فکر می کنی لایقشی بدون هیچ ترس و یا احساس گناه!
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