
به بهانه سالگرد ازدواجمان:
آن به آن، از انتخاب و بودن نازنینی چون تو خرسندتر و مسرورترم! حتی زمانهایی که در احوال دشوار وجودی و انسانی و در قابل انقطاع ترین حالت!! دوست داشتمان به مویی بند می شود! اما یادمان نمی رود که:
دامن دوست! به صد خون دل افتاد به دست!
به فسوسی که کند خصم! جدا نتوان کرد!!
شکر خدا که هنوز و بعد از قریب به یک دهه، تئوری ام و احتمالا تئوریمان، همچنان این است که: ((عشق در نگاه اول)) و ((عشق به تنهایی کافی است))!!
شکر خدا که هرچه طلب کردم از خدای!
بر منتهای مطلب خود کامران شدم!!
به زعم من و به واسطه تجربه شخصی، عبور از هیچ معبری چون منزل لیلی که خطرهاست در آن، ان هم هر چقد سخت تر و دورتر، به هیچ مرد عاشقی، بیش از این اعتماد به نفسی که این هفت خوان موهبت می کند را، هدیه نمی کند! و این احساس به تعبیر من رستم وار، وقتی دو چندان می شود که در این رابطه، هیچ چیزی جز دوست داشتن دلیل این گرایش نیست و نمی تواند باشد! دانشجوی یک لاقبایی که با هیچ، یکه و تنها، غیر مستظهر به هیچ پشتیبانی، دست خالی، کیلومتر ها أمده به سروقت أنچه دلش تصدیق کرده! وه! چقدر احساس غرور می کند! حتی بیشتر از زمانی که در تحقق چشم اندازه هایی که دیگر نیست! جانشین ((جک ولش)) در GE شود!!!
هنگام تنگ دستی! در عشق! کوش و مستی
کیت کیمیای هستی! قارون کند گدا را
نه سال سختی رو که گفتی به یاد نمی أورم! شاید دلیلش لذت مردانه ای باشد که از همه این فراز و نشیبهایی که پشت سر گذاشتیم برده ام و یا لذتی باشد که به واسطه نوع شخصیتم از تنهایی می برم و یا به قول همیشه تو، غربتی باشد که ان را تجربه نمی کنم، همان که تو تنها و دور از خانواده، تنهایی را فقط و فقط به خاطر من برگزیدی! و شاید بارها در همان احوال درونی از خود پرسیده ای که أیا ارزشش را داشت؟
فارغ از نتیجه این گفتگوهای درونی، این انتخاب دشوارت، همیشه به عنوان دِینی غیرقابل پرداخت و البته غرور أفرین به ذمه لاغر من باقی خواهد ماند!
من که سر بر نیاورم به دو کون!
گردنم زیر بار منت توست …
مانایی فزاینده عشقی که بین ما شبیه همین ((آیین)) مان در حال حیات است و اگرچه روز به روز، جنس و شکل ان و حتی تکانهای أن تغییر می کند! اما چقدر احساس خوشبختی را مضاعف و شکر أن را واجب می کند! از بودن این عشق و عدم ندامت با وجود همه هزینه های معنوی مترتب بر أن را، حتی در همه روزها و به تعبیر تو سختی هایی که بسیاری از زندگی ها و عشقهای أتشین تَر را به خاموشی کشانده!
روزگاری شد و کس مرد ره عشق ندید!
حالیا! چشم جهانی نگران من و تو است …
شاید سِرِ این عشق و محبت، همین باشد که من و تو به اندازه طاقت بشریمان، مانع تحقق یکدیگر نشدیم! حتی اگر گاهی قلبا و عقلا نیز با أن مصادیق و شرایط بر سر مهر نبودیم!
یادت هست؟
دوستت دارم به اندازه هرچه دل تنهاییت بخواهد!
را می گویم!
و
عاشق شده ای، ای دل؟ سودات مبارک باد …
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