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حتی مطمئن نیستم که این مجال رخ می دهد یا نه! اما چیزی که می دانم این است که نوشتن، دست کم می تواند مسکن دغدغه ذهن ناآرام بابایی باشد! این روزها که مامان و من نمی دانم به دلیل آنچه می توان آن را وسواس کمالگرایی خواند یا آنچه که شاید از قلب مهربانی!! که داریم نشات می گیرد، فکر و ذکرمان این شده است که یک والد_بدون_نقص باشیم، اگرچه هر دو به تاثیرات ناخوشایند این وسواس بر حال خوب تو در آینده اذعان داریم. دیشب که تو را اینچنین آرام و گویی در آغوش خود خداوند می دیدم، معنای عقده مادر خواهی که از برساخته های یونگ است، برایم به بهترین شکل ممکن عمیق و درونی گردید! همان حوالی بود که هموندی، اینکه هر چند دقیقه – به ادعایِ او – کودکی از گرسنگی می میرد را نشانه انکار عدل الهی و حتی عدم وجود خداوند انگاشت. همزمانی این دو اتفاق باعث شد که در این چند روزه، علی رغم مشغله تدارک حضور تو، لحظه ای از ذهنم بیرون نرود که منشا این تفکر، به عنوان نوعی مسئولیت گریزی و فرافکنی آن به مراجع قدرت و رابطه آن با کودکی ما در چیست؟
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بابایی! من از دگر اندیشان قرائت جمله معروف نیچه ام! همان که او فریاد می زند: ((و خدا مرده است!)) قرائتی از این جمله، انسان را به این وضعیت خطیر سوق می دهد که دست از همه چیز را به خدا بستن! و از جبر و جبری اندیشیدن و از خود سلب مسئولیت کردن دست بر دارد و مسئولیت اختیار خود را به عهده بگیرد! اگرچه حدود و ثغور این اختیار برایمان اضطراب آور باشد و ترجیح دهیم که همواره در رحم جهانی که تمام مسئولیت آن را به ابر مادری همیشه گناهکار یا پدرسالاری دیو صفت فرافکنی کنیم!
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