
به باور من، بانکی در روان ما وجود دارد که همواره تعاملات ما با سایرین را به نرخ مصوب خود به بستانکار و بدهکار مبدل و در پایگاه داده ای خود ثبت می کند!
اما تقریبا هیچگاه أنچه در روان عامل در تعامل با دیگری بستانکار/بدهکار می شود به همان نرخ در روان متعامل بدهکار/بستانکار نمی شود!! این حقیقت باعث قریب به اتفاق سوتفاهمات روابط است!
فرض کنید من سرعت بسیار خوبی در تایپ دارم اما به هر دلیل شما تصمیم می گیرید در نوشتن بخشی از پایان نامه به من کمک کنید و از قضا شما مهارتی در تایپ ندارید و مشقت فراوانی را برای این مساعدت متحمل می شوید! در روان شما چند شب بیداری در حساب بدهکار من ثبت می شود اما من چند صفحه تایپ را به نرخ صفحه ای چند هزار تومان در حساب بستانکار شما ثبت می کنم! این تفاوت نرخ، هرچه تعاملات طولانیتَر می شود حتما با مغایرات بیشتر و مهلک تری مواجه می شود!
درک همین نکته می تواند مسکّن و محلل بسیاری از سوتفاهمات باشد! اما میشود کمی پیشتر هم رفت!
چند پیشنهاد:
۱- اینکه لطفا کاری را که دوست نداریم یا برای ما هزینه لایطاق دارد انجام ندهیم! سعی نکنیم با مستعمل کردن مفاهیم ارزشمندی چون إیثار خودمان را گول بزنیم! إیثار یعنی اینکه برای یک تعامل، واقعا هیچ حساب بستانکاری افتتاح نکنیم! حتی برای باری! ادمها به خوبی می توانند خلوص تعاملات را ارزیابی کنند و یک تعامل مصنوعی و ریاکارانه در رابطه فقط و فقط تأثیر مخرب دارد!
۲- اینکه در تعاملات به جای اینکه از دیگران دلگیر شویم که چرا درک ندارند!!! یا به تعبیر ساده تَر به جای اینکه انتظار داشته باشیم أنها به موضوعات از نقطه نظر ما بنگرند! همین انتظار را از خودمان داشته باشیم! قبل از باز کردن حساب بدهکاری برای دیگران به این بیاندیشیم که این قرض -هر تعاملی که در پسش انتظار جبران وجود دارد- که به أنها می دهیم! أیا أصلا توسط بدهکار! قابل جبران هست! و اگر به هر دلیل أن بدهی جبران نشد چه اتفاقی برای رابطه ای که می تواند بسیار گرانبها نیز باشد، خواهد أمد! به شما اطمینان می دهم اگر در رابطه، به اصطلاح قرضی ندهید بهتر از ان است که احساس غبن را در آن داخل کنید!
۳- اینکه انتظاراتتان از یک رابطه را شفاف بیان کنید! کسی هنوز ادم متوسطی که علم غیب داشته باشد و بتواند ناگفته و ننوشته از سر درون شما پرده دارد، ندیده است! باور کنید با بیان کردن انتظارات خود، أنها را بی ارزش نمی کنید! بلکه قابل تحقق می کنید! بسیاری چیزها برای دیگران با أنچه در ذهن و ضمیر شما می گذرد متفاوت و گاهی ناشناس است! اگر تئوری های شما درباره نفهم و بی وفا بودن ادمها همیشه صادق است، شما دچار یک بازی روانی شده اید!
در این سه یادداشت نیز از منظر خویش نسخههایی برای داشتن حال خوب را ارایه دادهام:
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حال خوب از کجا میآید؟
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چگونه میتوان از تکرار و پوچی در زندگی در امان ماند؟
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افسانهی شخصی
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جادوی کارهای کوچک روزانه
در این یادداشت نیز توصیههایی برای ایجاد حال خوب برای مادران شاغل ارایه کردهام.
در این لایو یک ساعته که هم فایل صوتی و هم فایل تصویری آن موجود است پیشنهاداتی برای داشتن حال خوب ارایه کردهام.
بحثی که پیش آوردید من رو به یاد تئوری بازیها (Game Theory) انداخت.
ممنون از اشتراک گذاریتون.
از مشارکت و مساهمت شما در این بحث سپاسگزارم.
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