
(١) پیرمرد از ٢٢ آذر، مرغ وحشی ذهن مرا به دام انداخته است! همزمان با انقلاب بهمن ۵٧ و تحت تأثیر دیدار رهبر انقلاب از مذهب مالکی به شیعه می گرود! در این سی و أندی به برکت حضور او، نیجریه به یکی از پرجمعیت ترین کشورهای شیعی جهان مبدل می شود! ابراهیم زکزاکی را می گویم! او در این راه، چهار فرزند خود را از دست داده و بارها زندانی شده است. در این ١٠-١٢ روز در مقابل بزرگی او به شدت احساس کوچکی می کنم! و به تک تک آن صدها تنی که جان خود را برای او فدا کردند. باور دارم که مانند من، همه کسانی کم و بیش تعلق مذهبی دارند در برابر این بزرگی سر تعظیم فرود می أورند و شرمسار می شوند … و چقدر زکزاکی ها در این روزگار نادره اند! و این سووال در ذهنم متبلور می شود که نکند ما راه را ان گونه که باید، نیامده ایم!
(٢) دیروز دوره هیجده جلسه ای مطهری شناسی به تقریر سروش_دباغ را به پایان بردم. مطهری، با همه انتقادهای محتملی که همیشه می تواند بر هر اندیشمند دیگری وجود داشته باشد، بی شک یکی از بی بدیل ترین روحانیون معاصر شیعی است. تقلاها و دغدغه های او برای یافتن پاسخ عقلانی و فلسفی به سووالات روز ستودنی است. از انتقادات او به مبلغان دینی که در أهل سنت، بیشتر تحت نفوذ حکومت ها هستند و در شیعه که تحت تأثیر عوام هستند و أنچه او در عبارت مشکل اساسی در ساختار روحانیت خلاصه می کند تا نگاه ساختارشکنانه او در أن زمینه و در أن زمانه به مسأله حجاب و حضور زنان در سپهر اجتماع إسلامی گرفته تا عدل_الهی و حماسه_حسینی و ده ها موضوع مهم و خرد و کلان روز دیگر. او با تمام وجود و جهاد گونه عمر شریف را با در مطالعه گرفتن هرچه دست او به أنها می رسیده است و تلاش به پرداختن به مسائل به زعم او مهم مصروف کرده است. او از مولوی و حافظ و ملاصدرا و سهروردی و ابن سینا گرفته تا مارکس و انگلس و هگل و دهها اندیشمند دیگر را با وسواسی مثال زدنی می بلعیده است! و چقدر مطهری ها در این روزگار نادره اند! و این سووال در ذهنم متبلور می شود که نکند ما راه را ان گونه که باید، نیامده ایم!
(٣) در راه پیمایی عظیم اربعین جا به جا خودمان را با برادران عراقی خود مقایسه می کردم. أنچه در از خودگذشتگی و خودگردانی خیل میزبانان می دیدم، به گواه أنچه می دیدم و درک می کردم بی شک مرهون مقتدی صدر و آیت الله سیستانی بود. تا با پوست و گوشت این میزبانی را از نزدیک لمس نشده باشد درک و وقوف نفوذ و تأثیر و تبعیت انها از رهبران خود امری بعید می نماید. در ان حدود یک هفته و فراغت تفکر بیشتری که یافتم بارها از خود پرسیدم که اگر این میزبانی و میهمانی روزگاری و به مصلحتی برعکس شود ما چقدر در این تبعیت به إصطلاح شیعه خواهیم بود! و چقدر شیعیان در این روزگار نادره اند! و این سووال در ذهنم متبلور می شود که نکند ما راه را ان گونه که باید، نیامده ایم!
(۴) حدود ٨-٩ سال پیش بود که ترجیح دادم به دلیل بار مسؤولیتی که چهره مذهبی دارد و هراس از تأثیر محتمل منفی خلل و قصور خود در مسلمانی و اسلام عزیز داشته باشد، ترجیح دادم ریشم را به گونه دیگری إصلاح کنم. با اعتماد به نفس از دست رفته و مقهور شده در فضای سالهای گذشته حتی در إظهار نظرها نیز سعی می کردم با حداقل اصطحکاک به شبهه ها و کامنتها و مطالب منتشر شده بپردازم. این روزها که به زکزاکی و مطهری و مقتدی_صدر و دهها تن دیگر می اندیشم، به فردیت و تفرد و حریت و آزادگی و شجاعت انها غبطه می خورم! وقتی به خاطر می أورم مثلا زکزاکی یکه و تنها در میان جمعیتی غیرشیعه با دستور اینکه گروندگان به حسین (ع) در روز عاشورا بروند و خون بدهند! و بدون هیچ بوق و کرنایی بزرگترین خیل شیعیان جهان را به دنبال می أورد اما ما در اکثریتی شیعی دچار این چنان قبضی شده ایم، متاثر می شوم. وقتی یاد مطهری می افتم که با آزادگی مثال زدنی به موضوعاتی عافیت سوز می پردازد و هزینه های مترتب بر أن را می پذیرد، خجل تر می شوم! حداکثر کاری که در این سی و أندی سال زندگی خود انجام داده ام مطالعه و تفکر به طاقت بشری خود است، اما این در مقابل هزینه هایی که سید و سرورمان حسین ابن علی در به تعبیر عمان سامانی در ساغر می را به تمامی نوش کردن، انتخاب می کند! حتی نمی از دریائی نیست. ناخودأگاه به یاد حدیثی می افتم که معصوم در پاسخ به سووال شیعه ای که از او می پرسد چگونه به شما کمک کنیم! می فرماید:
((با ورع و خویشتن داری!))
و این سووال در ذهنم متبلور می شود که نکند ما راه را ان گونه که معصوم فرموده است نیامده ایم!
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