سعیده، یک‌ابرحمایت‌گر
خیلی بد
خیلی خوب
۵,۰۰ امتیاز از ۳ رای
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در بیمارستان بستری شده بود.
عمل دشواری در پیش رو داشت.
و من مانند خیلی وقت ها که احساس ناتوانی در رفع مساله ای می کنم و پتو به سر می کشم تا شب های دشوار را زودتر به صبح برسانم، شبیه معدود شبهایی که قبل از ۱۲خوابیدم، ساعت ۱۰ با چرتی غیر طبیعی به خواب رفتم!
شاید بعد از آن اتفاق و انتقاد به جای او بود که فهمیدم رفتار شبیه به اینِ ((بابا)) در شبه اتفاقاتی این چنینی اصلا به معنای بی تفاوتی نبوده و از قضاوت های چند ساله خود شرمسار شدم.
حالم خوب نیست!
انگار همه مکانیسم بدنم به هم خورده!
قند خونم دچار نوساناتی عجیب و غریب می شود!
او الحق و الانصاف، بر خلاف من که در نقش حمایت گر احساس ناتوانی می کنم، یک ابر حمایت‌گر است! آنقدر که گاهی از من بر من نگران تر و بی تاب تر است! اما کسی که حمایت گر چندان خوبی نیست برای خودش هم، همینطور است! و از نگرانی های مشفقانه او مضطرب می‌شود و ترجیح می‌دهد که پتو به سر بکشد تا شاید صبحی با آفتابی دیگر طلوع کند. اما شاید درک این اضطراب برای یک ابر حمایت گر چندان ساده نباشد و به قضاوت بپردازد!
مهمترین دست آورد روانکاوی در این دو سه سال برای من شاید نگاه به هر موضوع از منظر گاهی پانزده گانه شخصیتهای کهن الگویی متفاوتی که است کم و بیش با آنها آشنا شده ام. مثلا این که نگاه یک آدم منطقی با نگاه، تجربه و تاثر یک آدم احساسی به یک موضوع چقدر با یک دیگر زاویه دارد و این که قضاوت صحت و سقم این دو نگاه چقدر دشوار و به تعبیر بهتر غلط است. و آنچه تقدیری به آن رسیده ام این است که هر جا خودآگاهی را گم کرده ام و قضاوت و یا خدای ناکرده شماتت کرده ام خیلی زود از بیننده به فاعل یا مفعول آن رخداد مبدل شده ام و معنای فعل و قیود و صفات رو چقدر متفاوت تر، این بار با پوست و گوشت درک کردم.
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